When I first started reading It Ends With Us, I was nervous. I had seen the controversy around this book (and movie). I had seen the accusations of glamorizing abuse and being disrespectful to domestic violence victims. I had seen the scandal around Colleen Hoover herself. All in all, the fanfare around this book was fascinating and I wanted to see what the whole deal was.

Well, I read it. And I saw what the deal was. Did I like it? Not really.

I should have foreseen the red flags when the main character was named Lily Blossom Bloom who loved flowers and gardening. And I should have foreseen them when the leading man was named Ryle.

After my initial read of It Ends With Us, I gave it three stars, but I have since lowered it to two stars after sitting on the story, the plotline, and characters. The more I think about it, the more I have problems with it.

Repulsive Ryle

For one, Ryle as a character was utterly obnoxious and later downright reprehensible. I don’t care what kind of traumas someone has in their life. That does not give anyone the right, or the excuse, to abuse their significant other. Ryle was given far too much grace in this story and that was completely despicable.

And I think it’s because of the fact that Ryle is portrayed as a handsome man. Now, kudos to Hoover for highlighting the fact that not all monsters look ugly on the outside. There are many cases of pretty people doing awful things to the people they claim to ‘love’ so this was somewhat realistic in that sense.

However, if we were to imagine Ryle being portrayed as an ugly man doing these things to Lily, the response would be worlds different. As a society, we have less tolerance towards uglier people. But when the perpetrator can turn some heads, suddenly we’re much less willing to call out their behavior for what it is.

Coupled with the fact that Ryle is rich and he’s a surgeon, we’re given more reasons to want to sympathize with him, even though he doesn’t deserve it in the slightest. He’s a dangerous man, something that was established in the very first scene he appears in. And he’s a weirdo. Knocking on everyone’s doors to find Lily’s apartment just so he can beg to have sex with her is not something to swoon over. That’s something to call the cops over.

The tragedy of Ryle’s character is that he could have been portrayed in such a better way by, perhaps, a better writer. It’s realistic to have an abusive man be a great person to everyone else besides his partner. It would have been possible to portray an attractive man as alluring and enticing, but to underscore how dangerous and manipulative he really is without being overly sympathetic to him as a whole. The fact that some people see Ryle as this great man who deserves redeeming despite what he’s done is an issue. The fact that some readers think that domestic violence is tolerable only if it comes from a sexy man is a huge problem I’ve seen come with this book. And again, these are the unintended consequences of the shabby writing and character development of Colleen Hoover. 

Lily Blossom Bloom. What A Name!

Now, Lily is a character I can slightly be more sympathetic to. She reads as a naive young woman desperate for some romance after losing the love of her life in Atlas (what’s going on with these names, btw). So when this attractive, rich, alluring man with dangerous tendencies suddenly showers her with attention, it’s understandable to see her fall for him rather quickly. It’s not too unrealistic to see something like this happen in real life.

The whole subplot with Atlas and Lily was extremely unrealistic. I also didn’t like how two-dimensional and tropey Atlas was as a whole. As a character, he only existed to love Lily, to save her from Ryle, and that’s it. He’s successful, he gives her shelter when she needs it the most, he loves her despite the years they spent away from each other. If the story as a whole wasn’t as weak as it was, I probably would have liked his character more. But Atlas feels like a cheap way to fix this story in a convenient way. How many real life abuse victims have their knight in shining armor waiting in the wings to save them, anyway?

Going back to the accusations that It Ends With Us glamorizing abuse, I wanted to touch on this because this was an issue for me going in. I was fully ready to DNF the book if I got the sense that it was minimizing Lily’s plight at Ryle’s hands. And thankfully, I didn’t get the sense that Lily was trying to excuse his behavior. I’m very glad Lily didn’t settle for Ryle and got out of the situation as best as she could, despite the fact that she was pregnant. 

The only character who was somewhat sympathetic towards Ryle was his sister, Alyssa, which is understandable to an extent… But to name her baby after her abusive brother who clearly has no desire to fix his problems is certainly a choice. This certainly didn’t endear me to Alyssa’s character, that’s for sure.

Glamorizing Abuse?

Now, what I have an issue with overall is Hoover’s decision to depict Ryle as a man who is good deep down, but he has made bad decisions that need condemning. When it comes to domestic violence, I think a message like that is a bit strange because at the end of the day, we’re dealing with people who have no issue harming the people they ‘love’ because of perceived wrongs. Again, under no circumstances should you ever abuse your partner. It’s disrespectful, it’s dehumanizing, it’s wrong. And until the abuser in question can reckon with the fact that they have done wrong and they start actively working to better themselves, you can’t present them as this “good person who did bad things.” It just doesn’t work like that.

In fact, this is what makes me think It Ends With Us just scratches the surface of domestic violence relationships. I’m glad that this book’s popularity got the conversation around this topic going because it’s important and prevalent in today’s society. At the same time, it isn’t the best written or the most insightful book to have tackled this widespread issue. The book’s weak plot and weak characters hindered the book’s overall goal, which is a shame. 

For the book to end with Lily having her baby and feeling comfortable with Ryle handling the baby is, again, a choice. It seemed like another way to be like, “yes, he abused Lily but he would never do it to his baby… right? Men who abuse their partners never abuse their children! … Right??” And it just didn’t sit right with me yet again. I would never feel comfortable with a man like Ryle being around children in general. He doesn’t have the patience or empathy to raise children, so to act as if Ryle is incapable of abusing his daughter is laughable.

To reiterate this once again, just because Ryle is capable of some good here and there should not overshadow the troubling abuse he is capable of. That’s like trying to hide a huge gaping wound with a bandaid. You can’t do it, we can all see what’s wrong here.

Again, I don’t think Colleen Hoover wrote this book to insult domestic violence survivors or abuse victims. I think the intentions were good here, but the execution was poor. 

Like what were those personal diary entries to Ellen even for? Really? Does anyone in their lives know of a young Ellen superfan? I don’t and I don’t think I ever will, so this part was especially jarring.

I wasn’t expecting to sit down and read some masterpiece when I decided to read this book. I’d be kidding myself if I even insinuated that. But I would have appreciated a more nuanced and insightful story that wasn’t ridden with tropes or barely likeable characters. Also, I feel uncomfortable classifying Ryle and Lily’s story as a ‘romance’ altogether. Ryle does not love Lily–you don’t treat the people you love like that. Ryle seemed more obsessed with Lily, if anything. And Lily perhaps tricked herself into believing she loved Ryle because he was attractive and he showered her with attention. But again, this is not love.

Love is so much more than that. Lily and Atlas’ romance was more in line with what I think true romance/love looks like realistically, even if it was presented in a pretty unrealistic way. 

All in all, it’s clear I didn’t love this one. Not sure if I’d be willing to read another Colleen Hoover book anytime soon.